Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
