i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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