Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
