Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
