i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
