I hope mine doesn't look like that
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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