The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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