EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
