upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm like, not good at living.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
