goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I currently don't understand fingers.
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