He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
