That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
