Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
