I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
