Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
