i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
