How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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