If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize