Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
