There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
And then he peed in my hair
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