I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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