Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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