you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
