Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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