You smell like stripper and shame
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
