On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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