what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize