Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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