Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
