oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize