the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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