im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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