Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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