Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
