i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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