So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
