Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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