I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we're making bets on your personal life
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
