she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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