My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize