he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
3 2 1 whiskey
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
