they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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