I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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