It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
