She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He better not be in your backpack
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
