I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
