Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My feet surprised me
Randomize
