Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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