her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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