I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
