I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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