In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
