Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
