So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
