I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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