careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
