I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
