No stitches, just platelets and will power
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
