No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i dont even know how to be here
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
