I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
