I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
