She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
