Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
