How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
