what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
