Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
